consolations to a lost soul...

(even) If only for a minute
You light up the street--
Like the rockets that fly high up
Myriads of colors absorb the darkness...

Girl, Even one night of your hell
Can't buy u the rocket.

But you've got the fire--
The spark of your eyes
(even) If only for a minute...


(even) The streets need someone
To swallow their darkness, girl.

You are the spark--
You are their knight in shining armour
(even) If only for a minute...

something to remember you by

Every little drop
Every little sigh
Has vanished into thin air—
None of that matters anymore


But the midnights washed in blue rain
Or the sun kissed golden twilights
Are too beautiful to even try to forget

I guess our tiny boat
Wasn’t strong enough to keep us safe
Through all stormy nights

Still the plank of wood
In my heart I’ll bear—
The plank that once made out boat
The plank that has the colour of your eyes—
Something to remember you by…

Unfair Game

If i refuse to be your shadow
I love u less.
If u refuse to be mine
you're just being a man...

If I don't compromise with some of my dreams
I care about dreams more than love
But even if you aren't sure what your dreams are
follow them through 'cause YOUR dreams have nothing to do with love...


But this isn't the law of the jungle,
So the residents there don't "make love", but mate
but the game they play is fair...
but down here at the concrete jungle we LOVE to play it the unfair way...

Seduced

I've been burnt by thousand suns
Drenched in countless rains
Waded across so many seas
To meet you one last time--again.

For one last sun lit smile
One last moonlit laughter
One last smooth dark velvet touch
I stare, I speak, I falter...


One last time--I tell myself
yet fail time and again-
i fail time and again-
time and again
time and again...

this is something i wrote WAY BACK...with a lil bit of editing
let me knw wht u liked/disliked abt it...

romance and cigarettes...

chill...its not abt romance...neither is it abt cigarettes...
bt i like the title cuz it sounds pretty intrstng...its the title of a particular movie...
plus both of the aforementioned thngs r the inspiration bhind ths...

tomorrow is my economics and political science exam--im pretty sure im nt gonna do well in either of thm--esp the former one...

yet here i am--up and awake---on my final attempt to avoid absolute failure...

many would say y lose sleep over such a petty issue?? ths xam isnt tht imp!
thing is, though the issue is quite petty and though im nt asleep r8 nw, it dsnt mean im losing my sleep...

i sleep whn the rest of the world has completed their daily chore of resting...as they open their eyelids and enjoy bathing in the first (or second/thrd/fourth/fifth...) rays of the sun---i gradually enter dreamland---where i see weird stuff, do funny thngs, ppl becum nice/nasty...etc etc etc

so im nt losing my sleep---dnt worry
i know normal ppl prefer mornings for doing their activities...but its in my nature to be v kind and helpful! :P
so i gv company to the dimly lit streets of my 'hood...the bored stars...the stressed out moon...
hear the sound of fishes playing abt in the pond, discourage stray dogs to "hang out" with their "mates" in front of our house....the night guard who rides on a cycle and blows the horrible whistle dsnt blow the whistle when he sees sum1 is awke...so my mother's light sleep is nt disturbed by the obnoxious noise!!

bt unfortinately no one gives credit to such gr8 works...most of the times neither do i...except in the moments whn smoke rises from the ashes...loneliness descends in a life full of friends and family members....desperation to pass and desperation to not study constantly cause inner turmoil....

such are the times when i write such useless thngs...then drink some water and get back to work/sleep/???ahm--dunno wht else....

now tht i'm done with my crap-writing...i wonder...wht was this article really about?? :O
please let me know as soon as u have any clue about it...

dont fall in love with my tears...

You loved me….

You loved me more when you saw me cry---

They don’t think I can cry---but you do.

You know I do….

You made me cry just so that you could see my flushed cheeks-

Just so you could dry my eyes and comfort me in your cuddles….

I hated you for making me cry…

I still do…

Only this time you don’t know I’m crying

I hope you never find out….

Cuz my tears will make you fall in love with me again

And I hate that about you.

story of rising and *not* shining

i had been planning to go out on a morning walk for about 4-5days...
but since i keep my nerves active even well past midnight...they refuse to work post 4am!

anyway...so after going to sleep relatively early last night i woke up today at 5.40am. struggled for a while...snoozed the alarm a couple of times!
but then images of people i know, telling me how fat i have become post madhyamik (as if i don't know already!--) flashed by and i woke up with a jerk.

i also woke up my sister for giving me moral support! (i still stick to my statement--she IS irritating--but i have to admit, she's entertaining as hell!)

maa was pretty irritated becuz, while we got out, the crackling noise the nasty door made disturbed her "sunday's sleep" (seriously v shud oil the hinges)

my sister loves the stray dogs in the 'hood and vice-versa...but anyone who knows me A LITTLE knows that dogs freak me out!
so the dogs kept tailing behind my sister, particularly " Shero" (the achromatic one) and i was convinced that these nasty creatures wanted to bite me!
so i kept yelling and yawping and begging my sister to shoo them off!...the construction workers,who were brushing their teeth kept laughing at me-- wonderfully amused seeing the older and fatter sister acting like this! but i didn't give a damn as long as the dog maintained half-meter radius distance!

the walk was kind of nice...sweet rays of sun refracting becuz of the smoke rising from the coal ovens--old people in sweatpants and running shoes--empty tin-buses! (kolkatar sobai janey tiner bus ki hoy!)

after about an hour we returned home...thought lets make myself useful!
so i made pancakes and coffee while humming a silly tune...
it felt so good...so different!
i asked my folks if they wanted to try the stuff i made and they passed a vote of no-confidence!
they were in majority, so i didn't insist anymore...

one sip from the huge mug of coffee and i realised exactly how horrid it is!
the taste so awful -- it was last night's bitter quarrel's taste brought to life!
i gulped it down anyway hoping that the pancakes would turn out to be better...
and yeah---u guessed it r8!
they were even horribler! (ok--i knw thats not a word...)

had to throw the whole thing away...
never again! i swore to myself--my sweet sweet night is waaaay better!

so that was my stupid story of rising and not shining--
hopefully this story made u realize that your lame sunday morning was atleast better than someone else's and HOPEFULLY it made u feel a little better!

ps: its a true story!

some of my old friends have really hurt my feelings...
but i am quite sure (nt absolutely) that they are completely oblivious to this simple fact...

so if they aren't half as bothered as i am--y should i be??

i don't let people in easily...bt when i do, im really vulnerable to the things they do or say...

bt i think the time has arrived when alterations to this pattern should be made

trying my best to incorporate the new way...

khali khali lagche...

aakre dhore beche thakar pokkhopati noi...
tobu jokhon charidikta hu hu kore palte jay, a time machine is all i want!

emon noy j ei poriborton (**not political mind it**) er sathe ekdom maniye nite parchina...
parchi..onektai parchi
kintu ekta point er por na...

saradin notun classmate der sathe hashi-thatta-adda-pora
shobi toh cholche...
tobu jeno kichui cholche na

amader purono group tar chobigulo dekhle golar bhitor ekta odbhut oshosti hochhe...

srijan besh kichudin agey bolechilo...babu, sobar sathe ato attached hoshna. pore koshto pabi.ek2 selfish hotey shekh
tokhon bhebechilam o hoyto behuda gyaan dichhe as usual...bt everyone, including him feel the same way about our group...

bt now i realise--that sadly wasn't a joke

sobai onekta kore egiye geche...

amio jawar cheshta korchi bhishon...kin2 ekta point er por ar parchina

notun bondhuder bisheh problem na thakleo mone mone im finding fault wd almost everyone!
tai its like...she's nice, bt nth close to aayoti
or he's sweet, but nth close to sayan,etc...

majhratey bosey bosey aboltabol bokchi...
hoyto eta momentary
hoyto noy...janina...confused!

and it starts raining---once again

just when you think you have FINALLY figured something out, no confusion whatsoever... just when you think you have thought it all through, there's no way u cud've missed something... Everything changes---

it starts raining outside...but u don't care... the strange greenish glow that the rain brings with it attracts u to him like a moth is attracted to a glowing bulb...

and u stop thinking--

u just run...run...keep running till there's no other place to go, no other shelter to take apart from the warmth of his chest...
and the rest passes like abridged versions of lavish dreams and desires--
u give all u have and take all that's his, till there's nothing left to take or give... and u find heaven within...

and then u think u now know it all--
till another moment comes and steals that notion---

and it starts raining once again...

jump-fall- yawp-crawl
yell- shout---
run in
rush out---
gotta do more...
gotta be more!

so much of love, so much of hate,
so much of anger, but no outlet...
the pools around, all seem too shallow
to drink my poison and digest it too...
contradictions and confusions
are blocking my heart--polluting my mind--strangling my soul

why do u care??
u really don't need to...
that's what i tell myself
when i see the rain fall--

but something inside yearns for a meaning--
a reason for living this life...
and a soft, yet wild spell enchants me...

jump--fall--yawp--crawl
yell-shout--
run in
rush out--
u gotta do more
gotta be more


random thoughts that came up...
something is flowing through me right now
i have no idea what
but its making me feel restless---
impatient...
has it ever happened to u?

IM ANGRY!!!!!

Why do people ask for the truth if they can't handle it?

Who gives them the right to decide for me--whether i should be loyal to my friend or teacher?

Why should i take the responsibility of seeing who is doing what?

if u don't want any of my arrogance, don't ask for it...

don't provoke me till i snap!

my life is alrdy running high on drama- i don't need any more of that crap...

if you fail to understand others, dont expect them to understand u--

if u disrespect a person,(irrespective of how young or old the person is), donot expect to be treated well...

the world doesnt work that way---its high time u realise that...

nobody needs your crap...we have minds of our own and we dont need you to tell us how intelligent or dumb we are...

we really don't give a shit even if u have fabulous command over the english language.

let us be...

do the needful, and for the love of god/dog/food/whtever....leave us alone!

save ur Broadstreet perfomance for some other people/some other time!

i am not going to declare who this post has been written for, cuz i don't want ne more trouble!

but if that person ever comes across this post, i want her to know how i really feel...

it is silly...i know

but right now i am so mad, i can't think abt nething else--

so here's hoping someday u get a piece of my mind jerk!

Mr Keating

i sat all day watching tv...not that i had nothing to do....but who cares to move?? :P

so episodes of various programs flashed by as i sat there rocking on my chair and doing...well practically nothing!

there were so many characters all over and i was trying v v v hard to try and relate with at least one of them...

after many unsuccessful attempts i think i connected with a certain "Mr Keating"--

he's the new teacher (Robin Williams) in the film Dead Poet's Society

i agree with him--poetry is a lot more about how you see a thing than how the poet probably saw the thing!!

and this is the reason i've been having a lot of conflicts with the teacher who is teaching us poetry at school...

she's a very knowledgeable lady...But she just WON'T ask what we think of a poetry...or even if somebody did say what she/he thought...she would just shoo her/him off...

its v disappointing!

so here's wishing some mr.keating turns up as a teacher in my life SOMEDAY!

ps: lots of typos were there on my last post...but the room was v dark u c...so kindly forgive me! :P

my first post...

its the well past midnight now...

i have so many things to say and nobody is awake...and those who are,either aren't interested to listen to me, or i am not interested to tell them what on my mind...

but i really need to vent it out...so, i turn up here...(thanx to my new classmate rubaiyaat--i was reading his blogs yesterday and that where the idea came from)

ok..now that i have found a way to vent out...i cant figure out what to write...

not my fault... at least 50 mosquitoes are swarming around me and they are distracting me so much, that i jave forgotten all about my worries...they are bugging me more than my groaning-complaining boyfriend!(wow---commendable job dear mozzies! :P)

so i really feel like getting up, switching on the 'all-out' and go to sleep...

btw guys...i'm bunking school tomorrow!!

onek koshto kore ma key convince korlam "amar sorirta koto kharap (:D) r school r tuition korle koto koshto amar hbe!!"

after a long argument she gave in (as usual--thats the beauty of baba being posted at haldia! )

so i get to sleep in v v v v v late!!

yuppiiieee!!

gudni8 everyone!!